This must be a dream…but it feels so real, the smell of sawdust on the floor, the crowds, and the breeze blowing through the big top. I look in the mirror and see myself… resplendent in a gleaming white one-piece zip up suit… complete with cape, and a helmet decorated with 5 large red stars running from forehead to neck. Something very strange is going on, I don’t think I am going to like it one little bit… a gentleman dressed in red enters wearing a top hat…”are you ready for the big one?” “Big what?” I asked him. Why the world record distance attempt for a human being fired from a cannon of course! The blood drained from my face, I was as white as my suit… “but, but…” I mumble “ I don’t WANT to be shot out of a cannon!”

Too late now he told me… and you should see the new cannon… it is a monster!… You should beat the record by miles… I have money on you going two hundred kilometres!

I didn’t get it, how could anyone be propelled 200kms, from a cannon , without being torn to shreds? I began my slow walk to the stage, I could barely put one foot in front of the other. Attendants shoved me into the dark maw of an enormous black tube… the crowd stilled and I heard a match being struck…a gentle “fizzing” sound… BOOOM! I woke up screaming, in a cold sweat, sheets knotted around me… then I realised… today was the day… I was going to ride the “big boy” the Suzuki Burgman 650… the cannon began to look appealing.

The plan was simple, use this tool for what is was designed for (bearing in mind as tools go the Burgman is more Howitzer than Hammer)… a nice weekend jaunt into the country, a 200km trip each way with some gentle suburban riding at both ends… perhaps a nice hotel and a steak. This is sounding less daunting by the minute. First things first, does it work?