If you didn’t already know…I can fly. I just thought I’d tell you that in case you are a girl and you want a date, you can email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . (Really you can email me…try it) In "The Matrix" it doesn’t matter if the road is bumpy as I can just imagine it flat, not so in the real world, thankfully my Lifan LF125T-6 has surprisingly good suspension and handles road imperfections with ease. My scooter also handles very well; it easily rolls into corners and carving up tight bends is generally very good fun.

Living with my Lifan is pretty straight forward; it is easy to put on the centre stand and simple to move around as it’s reasonably light at 104kg. The under seat storage area will carry a small full face helmet and there’s a lockable front glove box where I can store one of my many machine guns. The lock is a bit finicky so it’s sometimes a bit of a pain when I’m trying to get my gun out quickly to kill Agent Smith for the eight millionth time. Really, how many times do you have to kill an agent before they die?

The Lifan is about average for fuel consumption returning 3L/100kms or 78MPG; this is irrelevant to me as I normally just hack into some poor retired pensioners bank account and steal all their money. I may have already mentioned that I’m a nerd and for that reason I have a near numb rear end from sitting in front of a computer all day, even this however did not prepare me for the seat on the Matrix. The padding on the seat appears to have been substituted for a material with a density similar to a substance best known as…wood. The LF125T-6 does have an audible indicator clicker but in contrast to the Lifan LF50QT–2A which has the loudest indicator beep in the world the clicker on the Matrix is actually a secret hearing competition. See if you hear it and email Lifan they will send you one million dollars. (Don’t quote me on this; I could have the figure wrong, or I may have made it up completely)